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I can't win; I am always feeling this underlying self loathing. I don't put it on myself yet I let people put it on me. I let them twist my thoughts and penetrate my mind. That is my weakness. I let them get under my skin. They crawl around in there, poison my soul, ruin my confidence. I let their opinions guide me when really I should look at myself and realise they are destroying me to better themselves. They are breaking me down to avoid their own breakdown. They tell me what they think I don't want to hear about myself when really they are reeling off all that they hate about themselves and envy about me. I let them judge me when really the only judgment that counts is God and my own. My weakness is not enviable, it is negotiable with my mind and my mind needs to be strong but I am persuaded by them to believe these attacks. An attack is the only way to describe it. Why would you - out of nowhere- decide to list a person's negative attributes and bully them into a state of self loathing? Why would you - if you are a person with an apparently good nature - allow yourself to be a bully? It can only be because you can’t bare the reflection in the mirror every morning, looking back and telling you that you're not good enough. I tell myself this now, every time the words are uttered, that I am strong, I am good and I am not going to stoop to any kind of level that you reside on. I refuse to be you and I know this is why you hate me, because I will never be you and more importantly you will NEVER be me.
