Never Have I Ever

Photo taken by Patricia Hilton

Never have I ever lost the will to live

Never have I ever been able to forgive

Never have I ever told a lie to your face

Never have I ever given up on the chase

Never have I ever let you get the best of me

Never have I ever let myself be free

Never have I ever been cruel and lied

Never have I ever broken down and cried

This game you play and the shots are taken

If the truth you hear then you are forsaken

Downing one after the other as you try and cover

Hiding your secrets like a dirty lover

Never have I ever bowed my head in shame

Never have I ever played this game

Signed, Patricia Hilton

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Never

The pain never lasts forever Eventually memories fade Away The strong never quit so I'll make it Through to the other side Stronger than before Hardened by heartbreak& regret Vowed to never forget this feeling Refused to ever feel it again Devout of emotion Numb to the feelings Death to kindness cause it's seen as weakness You were indeed my weakness A slave to your desires A prisoner of love sentenced to life Trial by fire had to live and learn Judgment passed on my past Indiscretions Got me punished in the present Cruel and unusual no doubt I loved you, I love you You left this void A hole Yet to be filled Took ownership of a piece of me When we went separate ways No returns no further exchanges At the point of no return I wonder when shit changed Should I have seen it coming Was I being dumb? Shit Was the end inevitable? Did I do all I could do? The questions that haunt me Does the answer even matter Watched my tears fall on the mattress He'll of an actress you are Cause I believed you were her Maybe the one Saw no flaws in you Looked past them to the real you Or what I thought you to be But your previous demons Met mine one evening The beginning of the end We played a game that ends with no winners

A Soul Killer

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I always worry if I will be judged

But I've never wanted to care

I hate looking for approval

Yet I seem to always look there

Look into your eyes for a reaction

To see if I have pleased you

When really I should live for my happiness

For this is something you never do

I see you live with so many restrictions

Never living to your full potential

I wish I could turn back the clocks

Then maybe you wouldn't be so resentful

Signed Patricia Hilton

@Trishaaa_

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Torn

Skin is milky, but my heartbeats black

Turn around take the knife out my back

Death consumes me

Lies weren't truth you see

You smile in my face

Words you spit put my name to disgrace

Laying on the floor

The world turns uncontrollably

Emptiness in your sorry 

Pour salt to my wounds

That bad hit marked my skin woefully

Tore my soul

Thought you could win with the lies you told

Knock me down with a kickspin

Hunger and pain from that

Is my sin

I lay eyes closed but I'm wide awake

Tears don't stream down my face

I have no emotion

Coldness took over

Your actions right there just made me bolder

I fight back incessantly

Broken bones don't get the best of me

Strength is far greater than we believe

I'll pack ya bags

Make you leave

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American Concubine

American Concubine - RAYNASTHEORY

He touched me unassumingly
But pleasingly
He still believes in me
Truth be told
With words unspoken
He seen my heart
He rectified the broken
What goes around, comes around
She is MISS KARMA
A whirlwind of madness
The ultimate drama
She keeps me in my place
Ice box fever til he erases
Living in an empty space
Until I feel the secure embrace
Its a steady repeart of daily sin
No wonder I can't ever win
Lonely night of tragedy
I wonder when he'll come back to me
There's no pressure, no use
Brutal force just won't do
So I talk softly mentally
Spilling out words frantically
Hope no one sees my insanity
Cuz all is lost if it isn't subliminally
So I am invisible, until he tickles my spine
Making me feel like I am losing my mind


I hurt deep
Cut just evenly
I have no face
No name
Not being by his side
Is making me insane
She isn't enough
She isn't me
It's a craving, apparently


They say concubines are side quotes
The ones who want the hieroglyphic routes
What most don't know is that they get
The things he doesn't give to you
The smooth essence of the eternal everyday
The times spent apart leaves him in pain
The ache for his concubine will never subside

THIS IS THE LIFE OF AN AMERICAN CONCUBINE 

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Trapped in Your Own Mind

Trapped in your own mind
 Comfortable within it's confines
Forgot what it was like to be free
 Only resident of this jail
 Solitary confinement 365
 All alone with these thoughts
 The voices speak of times passed
 Previous better days
 Chained to these memories
 Forced to live with them
 The pain Burns in the third
 Freedom I yearned for
 From these oppressive visions
 The nightly visits to my dreams
The star absent from my reality
 So they resembled nightmares
 Flashbacks of staring into those eyes
Haunted me when I attempted to break free
Possessed by a love not to be exorcised
 So this cross I bear

My Heart

My heart he searched for

Til dawn I was told

When he found it

It was black & cold

He nourished it

Brought it back to life

I sit and wonder why? Oh why?

"My love" he screamed

Passion in his eye

I love you more today

Than the day you died

My pain & ache deep, deep inside

Is why I have strength to never cry

My heart he saved

Has a vivid memory of yesterday's pain

My heart he saved

Torn and tattered, but now its brave

My heart he saved

Its where he tattooed his name

My heart he saved

His life he gave

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Single




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Overdosed with emotions and always being a pair

You were never true to yourself which is never fair

Expressing your mind only left you in tears

Loneliness was your biggest fear

Then it ends and at first it was hell

You crawled back into your lonely shell

Wondering why your actions led you to this place

Knowing you will never again see his face

Then time passes and you feel more alive

Realising that you are strong enough to survive

Living to your rules and enjoying your time

You never look back as you know you now shine

At first you sift in an out of 'relationships' that always seem to fail

Wondering when your real single life will set sail

Meaningless encounters only confirm your reasoning

For being single, living life and not depending on a thing

Being comfortable in yourself and not needing a man

Is when you finally enjoy being alone and realise you are a fan

Of the single life you feared previously

As now you can take your time and live freely

Signed Patricia Hilton

@Trishaaa_

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Two Distant Strangers

The miles that separate us

Is also the ties that bind

Don't know your flesh

But I have explored your mind

Sealed fate of mental state

So longed for such of a physical break

The untainted intimacy

For that we share

The unearthy bond of consciousness aware

Nothing else compares

I know where your mind has been

I met your unspoken words

You know my soul

You did it without fear

I feel your inner-self

As we have merged as one

Two distant strangers standing

In the fire pits of None

You speak to my heart

You strum my pain with your caress

I would be nothing

If it wasn't for your worthiness

I beg to touch you

I long for your embrace

Nothing more comforting 

Than know time can't erase

I dove into your mind

I swam in your sea of words

I cupped the happiness 

I cradled your woes

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Green Dreams

Take a blunt for my pain Inhale the peace from the flame Exhale the chaos with the steam As I gain higher altitude I dont want to come down You can keep the parachute Ride the clouds frequently Fall asleep in the air Dreaming of finer things Influenced by the effects They seem so real So lucid I could feel Put trust in what I can touch So I live in a distorted reality Where I enjoy all my fantasies

Love's Storm

Am I awake?
Is this real?
Did I dream you?
Can I feel....?

The night brings two ships
Sailing pass one another
It's the calm in this storm
That makes it feel like it's forever

I heard you beg for someone to love
I heard you pray for that in return
But I notice you turn a blind eye
When it's standing by your helm

Hell has boundaries
Heaven has gates
If you don't open now
It could end up being too late

Open up your eyes
See the gift of light
I don't want the fussing
I won't fight the fight

Life is complex
The heart is just nimble
If you open up your door
We can make it just as simple

I could be just dreaming
Not even sure of my course

With you I absolutely know
My destination is assured

I ache at departure
Can't sleep without you by my side
Don't eat without your presence
So I feel like I just died

Absence doesn't make my heart fonder
It is like cruel torture in a chamber
Ease the pain by your affection
Or leave it for another's consumption

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True Love

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This intense passion runs through us
We look into each others eyes and in our emotions we trust
Complications hold us apart yet draw us together
Knowing in our hearts we are meant to be forever


Love at first sight never existed before this time
Seeing you and realising you were meant to be mine
Trashed are the thoughts of the past
For I am now seeing these feelings emerge so fast


This is how we know we are true
I never knew these longing feelings before you
This is the future and I finally can smile
Even if I know I could be exiled

Signed, Patricia Hilton

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My home

Where I'm from materialism controls the masses
 The pursuit of cash holds the madness together
 The flock migrates to the sadness in all seasons the ignorance flows through these bad lands
Trees of violence lay shade over the blocks
 Tears fall freely like spring rains flowers bloom through the blood stained pavement
 Red rivers flow through my city from the love of green cries muffled through project walls where dreams stall and fall like Autumn leaves just like those people's real colors show in the cold i see through the clouds of their facades looking for the sun in dark souls often found no light In a place where they put profit over people and finance over family i cling to my sanity

The Night Speaks

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The door creaks, the wind softly blows

The voices murmur to whoever knows

Of the string of nightmares these demons will show

The night whispers and soon their powers grow

Shifting moves, a glimmer of light

A sound so quiet it gives you a fright

You call out but no one is there to hear your plea

There is no one to set you free

Down pouring rain, darkness is all around

Your body trembles at every passing sound

They are all around you watching and staring

Of these evil things, there is nothing caring

Signed Patricia Hilton

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Whisked Forsaken

He stands there as my song plays by the hands of the D.J. wanting one dance

The slight trance of my assets only lasts one spin

Hurting lasting longer after our waists subside
And my mind begins

He can still feel the movement of my hips and thighs

He calls excited about the next opportunity to arise
With business as usual

Brief under tones so cruel

Hurting more than I let it will

The silence in my voice is like a swallowed pill

I know much better than this

He lies and cheats hoping that one more night is cherished 

Before he plunges back to his mistaken life

The one he ran from and was drawn to me

Even if he ain't ready to see

The holes still plunged in his obscured world

Crying silently as the universe ignores her sorrow

The emptiness even more hollow

The road a little bit more broken no follow

The hail falling without a trace

Sleepless nights and endless days
Show weariness on her youthful face

The long hall of mysterious self indulgence bares,

 No comparrison on the plantation of the struggling ghettos

The glass remains full as the liquor courses through her viens, 

The numbness still remains so she does it again

Hostage of past mistakes creates a roation of the same day. 

Can't erase life's pain so chase it with cocain in the viens. 

Now his body laying still like Kurt Kobain

The hair that falls across her face so elegantly 

so you can't see the scars of what used to be

The tired wife that turns a blind eye so her home smells like love 

though it is like an absent parent

The realization that you are trapped and your box is collapsing 

So you run when freedom permits 

And the signs of it show now on dirty skin

Kiss the girl that is a stranger and love her more than the one you are familiar

Vulnerability comes in many forms and what you wear on the inside is like a quiet storm

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Cold

No love for yourself So you have no love for yo brother No respect for ya sister's No love for the mothers Victims of the struggle Violence choked away the life of another no remorse for their pain cause you harbor your own No conscience so you feed on your own Robbing those of the peace they own Cause you want a piece of your own You Prey on the weak you speak with no gods Left the right path a long time ago Forsaken regret in pursuit of profit

I Can't Help It

This must be karma for all the hearts I brought harm too

Revenge for sins done while committed 

Lied accused and convicted too many times

Apologies denied cause they were said too many times

Not again I said but again I did  

Fucked up yet again 

Suspected what was next 

Went from my present to my ex

Sex was explosive so it kept us close

Need another hit another dose/ soon all doors closed 

Cause I couldn't handle letting you go 

But you craved freedom 

And I couldn't hold you

So I was sentenced to pain

Incarcerated with feelings I couldn't cage

Enemies I couldn't kill

Remember when I told you my love was forever? 

I'm cursed cause it's the truth

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The Curse

There is something about you, a history of some sort

You look caught up in some painful thought

Our friendship was rare

Over time you made me believe you could care

You gave me a sense of wonder, something new

If only the feelings returned were true

You have done this before, I’m not the first

I have been caught up in your frivolous curse

The feelings I have should be buried inside

I’ve tried so hard, it’s like they have died

Until you reach me again do they rise up and grip me

Keeping away from you and not reminiscing is the key

You say these lies but you’re just a whore in disguise

A distasteful being, which was the biggest surprise

I have never been so misguided and vulnerable

I look back and know I was gullible

Signed Patricia Hilton

@Trishaaa_

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My Street Unsaved

The lights flicker, it wasn’t the same

I smelled the remnants of the heartless shame

Full of grace when he entered the door

His presences is now silence as he walks no more

My knees felt the solid stone as I crashed with a thud

All I feel against my skin is the warmth of his blood

I dare not stare or even make a sound

I can’t believe how many people are standing around

How dare they see this as their entertainment?!

Standing around in pure amazement

The blurry scatter as the whirling siren shrieks

It’s been forever since we called to speak

Here in the concrete jungle they don’t care

If your body lays half dead and in disrepair

I could see him gasping for a drink of air

Warming up the machine and saying “Clear”

It hurt as they dragged me away

I don’t even know if he’s ok

Idle chatter of yesterday took place

All I could think of is ‘their time a waste’

Shouldn’t you be worried that this soul could die?

Are you even concern who done this and why?

Frantic elusions of pain numbed so deep

I launched for the white coat to make him see

They think I am crazy, just ‘cause I speak

“But this man is someone’s child” I screeched

I watched on the stoop as they walked around

This man’s body still lying on the ground

I don’t see how this is justice

Does anybody care?

My heart weighs heavy as I scream into the air

They grabbed me and my skin felt a pinch

Keep me quite so I can’t flinch

To say his uniform was that of divine honor

They took it away before he came to his corner

Silencing a man who knew too much

Know that no one would be in a rush

To save a man who grew up in the ghetto

Those rushing sirens now seem shallow

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Abandon Featuring Guvamint and R. Bizzy - "City Lights"

Los Angeles, CA

Submitted by: Guvie Maito