Afraid of Fear

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Afraid of Fear

There is that tickling feeling, the eerie spinning of butterflies fluttering aimless in the pit of my stomach. My hands to the touch are clammy and beads of pearls leak from my flesh and run like tears down my skin.

The darting race of my heartbeat sending a rush of drugs through my veins. Adrenaline courses and turns my thoughts into a spiraling chaotic frenzy. My hands feverishly cling to anything, something in reach. I can’t comprehend what is going on. I don’t understand why I can’t grasp a sense of reality. The images in front of me become hazy and foggy. I can’t…

…I can’t breathe. My lungs are not drawing and releasing air. My legs become shaky and the quivering shutters ricochet throughout my body.

Silence overcomes me, I can’t hear anything but a blinding pinging loud screech. There is nothing. My chest doesn’t rise and fall and death seems to have replaced the heartbeat that once pounded feverishly against my chest.

My feet are cement boots at the bottom of the ocean, the current doesn’t help me escape the over flow of relentless pain. I can’t escape and I can’t comprehend to help myself.

No one there to save me from myself…I am the all-consuming evil of my own fear.

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Exposed

"We humans fear the beast within the wolf because we do not understand the beast within ourselves" -Gerald Hausman

Sometimes creativity is a lost cause
Because it allows people to judge you and see your flaws
It enables them to make an assumption
It gives them reason to doubt your every function

You write the words and put pen to paper
Thinking about the consequences later
You never think people will read it and take it on board
You don’t realise those thoughts, in their head will hoard

If you have admitted a weakness
Or even exploited a forbidden kiss
These words are forever imprinted in their minds
Assuming they are your illusive finds

People judge and never see the good
They never let their barriers down like they should
You throw caution to the wind and allow your very essence to be exposed
While they stay stifled by the trapped life they chose

You listen to your soul and write with your heart
You record the ecstasy along with the moments when your world falls apart
They mean nothing if they cannot accept your wrongs
They shouldn’t exist in your realm if they do not appreciate your song

Signed

Patricia Hilton

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Note: This will be my last post for a few weeks so I hope you enjoy and check out my blog and page to see some of my other links while I am absent!